Leadership for Intelligence Professionals   

Some Tips on Listening

Normally, when we are engaged in a conversation and, supposedly, listening to the other person, we are not. Often, we are hearing with our ears but our mind is not really concentrating on or thinking about what the other person is saying. Rather, we are often being:

-a “mind reader” and figure out the other person’s motive for speaking to us,
-or a “rehearser”, thinking about what we are going to say in response,
-a “filterer”, selectively hearing what we want to hear,
-or, a “dreamer”, just drifting,
-or a “derailer”, changing the subject too quickly.

That type of inattentive listening shows on our face and the other person can see it. Seeing that we aren't paying attention, other people just shut down in frustration. That's why conversations often end abruptly. To overcome that appearance of disinterest requires “active listening”.

Worse yet, in substantive task-related conversations, instead of trying to understand the other person's point of view. Rather we often become:

-an “identifier”, relating everything to our own experience,
-or a “comparer’, stating your views in response to theirs,
-or a “sparer”, discounting or debating what they have said,
-or, a “placater”, just agreeing to avoid conflict because you don't agree.

In this case, other people tend to continually state and restate their viewpoints and harden their position to make sure that we eventually get it. That's why conversations often turn into arguments. That’s why we must learn to listen in the other person’s frame of reference.

Thus, at the minimum, a Leader must use active listening to make sure that they get feedback. There are some things that can be done to convince the speaker that you are not only hearing them but listening to what they have to say. You must listen with both your body and mind.

-Maintain eye contact.
-Look interested and nod.
-Take notes.
-Paraphrase back to the individual what they understand the speaker has said.
-Respond specifically to the question, information provided, or request for action from the speaker.

--Often for various appropriate reasons, the response must be a non-committal one.
--Nevertheless, promise to get back to the speaker, do it in person, in private and do it soon.

But, the best Leaders will be empathetic—i.e., they not only listen to the words and respond to the thoughts and ideas of the other person words, but they sense the emotion and respond to the feelings of the speaker. Janet C. Macaluso suggests that Leaders develop the skills to:

-Pay attention to body language….
-…while listening to words, also listen for tone of voice, intensity and pace.
-Use silence to get others to speak up.
-Model emotions—i.e., enthusiasm and optimism—that they want others to “catch”.

Montgomery Van Wart provides a succinct set of “Basic Communication Tips for Leaders”.

Sources

-Conversation killers based on material from The Writing Lab published by the English Department of Purdue University.

-Janet C. Macaluso, "Leading with Empathy" in Executive Excellence, July 2003.

-See Also: Van Wart “Basic Communication Skills Tips for Leaders, Chapter 5, Exhibit 5.1.